In a highly anticipated family Zoom call tonight, local Seattle parents Sam and Bev Mosely insisted it’s actually absolutely fine their son Dan is choosing to attend Evergreen State College this fall over the University of Washington.
Dan’s father stuck by his statement even in the face of continued questioning from relatives including Gramma Mosely and Aunt Sally.
“It’s true Bev and I are both UW alums so it would have been really cool if he’d chosen to be a Husky, which he totally could have because he even got in after we forced him to apply there and everything,” said Sam. “But we promise all of you that this doesn’t feel like a subtle ‘fuck you’ or rejection of everything we are at all. And that’s why his choice is actually totally, completely fine with us. Gooo, Geoducks. Who needs football when you’ve got hacky sack, am I right? We’re fine. Totally fine.”
Dan’s mother said she couldn’t agree with her husband more.
“Sure, UW is our alma mater, and it’s consistently ranked in the best colleges nationwide, but now we’ll save so much money on things like textbooks, and deodorant, and shoes,” said Bev while pouring a third glass of wine. “And it’s just super they don’t have grades or tests. For college chemistry finals at Evergreen, Dan said he can even do an interpretive dance. I think he said he’s majoring in Mindfulness Training for Sea Stars or something. We respect his choice of undergraduate schools and, just in case you were still wondering if our mood has changed at all over the course of this evening, we are actually still doing just fine.”
At press time, the focus of the family discussion had shifted to fellow UW alum Aunt Sally announcing that her daughter Amy will be attending Washington State University this fall and they’re all feeling just fan-fucking-tastic about it.
