As the ongoing pandemic has kept most residents in the safety of their own homes, local animal populations continue to reclaim native habitats including the nearly extinct Robosaurus at the empty Tacoma Dome and Puyallup Fairgrounds.
“The majestic Robosaurus once roamed the South Puget Sound region, grazing on scrap yards and striking fear into Buicks in a territory that ranged from the Tacoma Dome all the way to the Puyallup Fairgrounds,” said Barry Valentine, Chief Cryptometallurgist at Fife Community College. “Though they had long been thought extinct, the recent decrease in human traffic in its native habitat has drawn the coy Robosaurus out of hiding, as it seeks to feed at the plentiful food source of the LeMay Car Museum.”
Though captive Robosauri have long been a staple of the monster truck circuit, a wild members of the steel, fire-breathing species hadn’t been spotted in nearly a decade.
“It’s only once that Monster Jam was suspended and it’s only natural predator, Gravedigger, was shelved that the Robosaurus population was able to return to its former glory,” said Valentine, peering at a grazing Robosaurus from the safety of the upper deck of the Tacoma Dome. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? It gives me chills every time I see it clumsily lift a Chevy into its crooked maw, spewing flames dangerously close to the stands. The media has painted the majestic Robosaurus as a ruthless automobile-killing machine, but you’ll find that it will travel as far north as Tukwila to allow its offspring to feed on the bumper cars at Family Fun Center.”
Valentine has extended an invitation to fellow Cryptometallurgists to join him for his weekly Robosaurus gazing parties, held every SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!
