With President Trump’s poll numbers lagging behind and desperation setting into the Republican party, his sons, Eric and Don Jr., have reportedly exhumed the corpse of former President Ronald Reagan to prop him up for a featured speaking engagement at the Republican National Convention tonight.
“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a warm welcome to your Republican savior, former President Ronald Reagan!” said Eric Trump, dragging a limp Ronald Reagan to the podium with his brother, leaving a trail of stale jelly beans behind. “Look everyone, our dad is even able to bring the dead back to life! That sure would be useful with all these deaths from the Democratic hoax, huh? What’s that, Mr. President? You think Dad should be able to have two more terms because of how poorly he was treated the past four years? Well, you heard him folks!”
Gasps turned to a hushed murmur as the attendees prepared for the former President to speak.
“I just have one thing to say to President Trump on behalf of the Republican Party and the American people: Mr. President, build up that wall!” said Don Jr, clearly moving the jaw of the former President. “And uhh, like I always say, four score and seven years … shut up Eric, I know what I’m doing. So in closing, vote for Dad! I mean, vote for President Trump!”
While some critics were outraged by the desecration of a presidential corpse, party leaders were quick to assure all that this wouldn’t be the first or last time a prominent conservative figure shoved words into the mouth of the late Republican demigod.
