To celebrate reaching peak levels of the existential dread Seattle has long been famous for, thousands of the city’s residents are expected to open their windows at 8 p.m. tonight to bellow gutteral groans borne from the very depths of their troubled souls.
“When we saw videos of quarantined Italians joyously bonding through the magic of song, it was sweet but I knew it just wasn’t quite our thing here in Seattle,” said organizer Dave Weeks, who’s been too paranoid to leave his Belltown apartment for the last three days. “But opening a window to unleash an angsty howl or deep sigh heard round the world? Now we’re talking.”
A few residents say they’ll be emitting moans of anger, torment and despair from their windows whenever they damn well please.
“Personally, I’m waiting to midnight howl at tonight’s supermoon on the off-chance it transforms me into a wolf who can then run off into the wilderness, never to be quarantined again,” said Diana Trackson. “Saw a lot of people sharing that online as a way to prevent getting coronavirus – hey, anything’s worth a try.”
Following up on the expected success of tonight’s community bonding event, next Thursday at 8 p.m. residents are encouraged to open their windows and yell, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
