Multiple reports that no hordes of transplants are currently fucking up the local vibe are pouring in from native Seattle residents across the city today, leaving true locals no choice but to let it all hang out while they can.
“My girlfriend is out visiting family in Denver, so this winter break is about to get wild,” said Kevin Manahan, holding seven bags of Pizza Rolls. “It’s gonna be real weird in this apartment for a minute, and I’m going to savor every bit of it.”
Although she misses her roommate from Austin a tad, a gravity blanket-wrapped Chelsea Branaugh said she agrees about using this precious hygge time to get absolutely krunk.
“Things are getting crazy cozy up in here,” said Branaugh, tea in hand, while looking out a rain-beaded window with The Postal Service playing in the background. “Canceling all my plans with everyone by text this morning to stay at home and recharge for once is the most exhilarating fucking contact high I’ve had all year.”
Perhaps most remarkable were the lack of umbrellas as far as the eye could see through absolutely soul-drenching rain.
Despite idealistic introverted tendencies to keep things forever this way, native Seattle residents say they’re prepared to begin stockpiling passive aggressive feelings for all transplant friends who force them to go out for New Years Eve.
