Bowing to pressure from the Elf Liberation Front, Santa announced today that Christmas is going extra green this year in the Seattle area with exclusively Sound Transit-delivered gifts guaranteed to be on doorsteps by July 2020.
“Santa’s commitment to use of public transportation as a means of present delivery is just one of many efforts he and we elves have been using to fight climate change and become a more progressive workplace,” said Buddy. “If at all still possible, we’d like to avoid seeing our flagship North Pole offices melt into oblivion.”
Among Santa’s other progressive campaigns are plastic-free biodegradable toys, free healthcare for all elves (who are employed in the workshop full time), and six weeks of paid leave for pregnant (or adopting) reindeer.
Santa also said he’ll be leaving the coal behind this year.
“I thought I was sending an obvious message about how much coal sucks to the kids on the naughty list, but then President Trump tried to make it cool again,” said Santa in a statement. “And, boy, do those naughty kids grow up and get crafty with that shit.”
