After a thorough search at Sea-Tac International Airport this afternoon, federal aviation officials are confirming that the only face with a genuine smile on it was the one painted on the back of an Alaska Airlines aircraft.
The hunt reportedly included search dogs sniffing out long, winding regular security lines for other signs of joy and gratitude at an airport surrounded by the miracle that is flight.
“We also took the hounds through the TSA PreCheck line that is supposed to be shorter and quicker than regular security, but totally isn’t,” said Officer Ted Wallace. “Even the CLEAR patrons who pay an extra $179 a year to actually cut through security quicker were too busy smirking at the TSA-screened suckers to smile.”
Asked how he kept up such a steadfast, beaming grin, the Alaska Airlines Eskimo told The Needling that it’s just part of a logo facelift the airline carrier gave him in 2016.
“Do you like it? It looks natural, right?” said the logo. “My eyebrows don’t move either, but check it out — less wrinkles!”
