In a move long seen coming by both Seattle sports fans and apparel industry insiders, Seattle’s latest major sports franchise will field no team whatsoever.
The team, tentatively named the Salish Mudsharks, will exist in name only across an eclectic and diverse product line ranging from professional kits to t-shirts to faux rhinestone-encrusted women’s undergarments.
“We’ll start off the line with two kits, one home and one away. As the season goes on, we’ll introduce a third set in a color so ridiculous fans will buy it purely from FOMO,” said the Mudsharks brand strategist, Meghan Burney. “It’s a win-win, which is unheard of from Seattle’s actual sports teams.”
The lack of infrastructure burden from the new team has local politicians doing the wave down at City Hall and King County Administration.
“Taxpayers will be relieved to not fund another stadium or deal with gameday traffic,” said King County Executive Dow Constantine and Mayor Jenny Durkan in a joint press release Friday.
Nike was the highest bidder to be the Mudsharks official apparel partner.
“We just try to own the rights to all athlete’s clothing options whether they’re playing on the field, at the Olympics, in their own homes, or their own imaginations,” sais Nike CEO Mark Parker.
While no women’s versions of the pro-kits will be available for purchase, several low-cut v-neck t-shirts will be available, as will necklaces, earrings, clear plastic purses, hand-painted pumps, and nail decals. Balls (shape to be determined) will also be for sale.
(Image: “Spine-backed Shark (Squalus Acanthias) illustration from The Natural History of British Fishes (1802) by Edward Donovan (1768-1837)” by Raw Pixel, Ltd, licensed under CC BY 2.0)
