In a surprise press conference this afternoon, Boeing executives revealed a new set of airliners dubbed the 737 AXE, adamantly emphasizing that they are “legit” and “hella safe.”
The sudden announcement raised questions about whether the plane manufacturer, disgraced by the grounding of 737 MAX models that crashed and killed hundreds, was just rebranding the original 737 MAX aircrafts to get rid of them.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa no, bro, we’re cool, we’re cool,” said Boeing spokesman Harry Paulsen. “Don’t sweat it, man – the 737 AXE has it all under control after our dedicated company has groomed it for definite success.”
In addition to its revolutionary capacity to not blow up in the sky and kill hundreds on board, Paulsen said the 737 AXE is more than a new model: It’s a lifestyle.
“This aircraft is so sleek, fresh and cool throughout that even its lower package compartment smells amazing,” Paulsen said. “You want to sweep all the girls off their feet? You want to smell like a teenage boy at Prom and not a dead body? The 737 AXE is definitely it.”
If successful, sales of the 737 AXE could prove to be a boon for Boeing, which was reportedly forced to spend half a billion dollars in storage and maintenance costs for 400 unwanted 737 MAX planes.
During the press conference, Paulsen attempted to auction off one of the 737 AXE planes starting at $250.
“Come on, somebody start it off,” he said. “I gotta move all these before New Year’s.”
