Local clean-eating co-op grocer PCC Community Markets announced today that every Saturday in October they’ll be transforming its Fremont store into a spooky haunted house called “Frankenfood Manor.”
“You start in an aisle labelled ‘Gluten Free Zone’,” said PCC Community Outreach Director Arielle Johnson with a mischievous smile. “It’s only when our employees start advancing towards you holding French baguettes and pastries that you realize the gluten is actually roaming free and ghost-white refined flour is spilled everywhere! Horrifying, right?”
Other exhibits include a witch’s cauldron of bubbling high fructose corn syrup and a butcher’s case full of non-organic, non-pasture-fed meat cuts labelled “100% corn-fed.”
During a preview tour today, a group of children started to reach into a plastic jack-o-lantern of Snickers and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups near the door.
“Oh no kids, don’t touch – it’s refined sugar poison!” shouted Store Manager Mica Sundance. “You can get your beet juice-sweetened Annie’s Organic Honey Bunny Graham and Gummy Snacks by the cash registers on your way out.”
Scary as Frankenfood Manor is, Sundance assured parents and customers that they don’t have to worry about cross-contamination.
“This is all for fun scares,” Sundance said. “We would never let Hormel Foods meat juice touch our organic, pasture-raised, grass-finished Niman Ranch products.”
For those who miss the chance to visit the PCC haunted house this month, Johnson said corporate grocery stores like Safeway, QFC and Whole Foods run even better horror shows all year long.
