Citing necessary plumbing upgrades for the only building in Seattle that vertically shoots human excreta several hundred feet every day all day, Space Needle officials announced today that it will now charge visitors $7.50 a pop for bathroom visits.
“We really value our patrons and we believe these fees will further our users’ experience,” said Needle spokesman Melvin Burberry. “The Space Needle is a timeless Seattle icon, and we want to keep it that way.”
As of press time, Needle visitors seemed skeptical.
“I just paid $40 to go up an elevator and now they want me to pay another $7.50 just to go to the bathroom?” said Calvin Flink, a tourist from Iowa. “Well, as long as I get to bend over soon.”
