After years of hiding a truth he feared would alienate himself from friends and family alike, brave local bearded man Martin Price has officially come out as “actually not a fan of IPAs at all.”
“I’m tired of living a lie. Fact is, I prefer a brown ale. Winter months I want a dark brown porter or stout and in summer, blonde ale,” said Price with a Machine House Brewery Oatmeal Stout by his side. “I don’t care that I could be ostracized from the community. All I care about now is that I’m true to myself. And, yes, when I order a Mac & Jack I am aware it is not 2004.”
Although Price’s announcement hasn’t fully sunk in for his mother who thinks this might all be a rebellious phase, she admitted she had her suspicions of her son’s real preference early on.
“We just assumed being born and raised in Seattle he’d be just as pretentious an IPA swiller as his father,” said Cathy Price. “I did accidentally see him experimenting with an orange slice and Blue Moon when we visited him in college once though. I love him no matter what – I know that.”
Since Price has come out, hundreds of other flannel-wearing bearded men have been showing support.
“For years, peer pressure didn’t allow me to order an amber ale,” said a mutton-chopped Jeff Crenshaw of Georgetown. “Because of Martin Price, I no longer have to drink something that, at least to me, tastes like liquid carpet.”
Price said he suspects many other bearded local men are getting in touch with themselves enough during the pandemic to admit they also never liked IPAs and never will.
“I just want every guy who was living a lie at bars and breweries across the city before the pandemic to know that it’s never too late to tell the next person who thinks you just haven’t had the right kind of IPA to either accept who you truly are or go to hell.”