Citing prolonged unemployment that landed him in a Tukwila Applebee’s parking lot for much of this last year, the Fremont Troll is back in his community-treasured post under the Aurora Bridge, but at a cost to us all: a newly reinstated bridge toll.
Not everyone will have to pay as the Troll says his randomized toll payment system involves only swiping every other car off the bridge’s six sardine-packed lanes.
“I think this is a win-win solution,” the Troll said in a press conference today. “I can afford to live and eat as a community tourist attraction back here in Fremont, all while reducing the number of cars who delusionally think they can safely fit on that bridge at the same time.”
Unlike in his more impulsive years, the troll said he’ll let drivers safely walk themselves down to a nearby bus before confiscating their car, no sacks of potatoes, orphaned children or soft silks from neighboring villages necessary. He’ll sell some cars and keeps others for food.
“Hey, a troll’s gotta meal prep,” Troll said, clearly beginning to feel at home again. “It’s all here now just like the doctor ordered—got my reds, my greens, blues and, of course, my glittery taupes.”
In a statement, Mayor Jenny Durkan said she’s all for it.
“Who else would we want doing this important work for us? The last thing I want is for the city to contract traffic management of this bridge out to Ride the Ducks again.”
