Eldest Daughter Expecting Full Mother’s Day Brunch for National Siblings Day Disappointed Again
Eldest daughters nationwide awoke today expecting to smell the sweet scent of fresh cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs of a full Mother’s Day Brunch on National Siblings Day, only to once again be met...
City Planner Regrets Layout of New Ridgefield Strip Mall
Excitement for Washington state’s first In-N-Out location near Vancouver was deflated today after the Ridgefield City Planner realized the unfortunately suggestive layout of the new strip mall it would be going into.
“The nearby homeowners’...
Orcas Launch Human Watching Tours
After scoping out several hot spots to take orca pods near Seattle shores recently, today marine biologists and several Seattle residents confirmed orcas have indeed launched their own human-watching tours to learn more about...
Uber Eats Opts to Pay Drivers with Half Your Meal
After a month of charging customers an extra $5 per order to cover the cost of Seattle’s new mandatory minimum wage for delivery drivers, today Uber Eats said it’s doing away with the unpopular...
Film Fanatic Cousin Ruins Holiday Telling Everyone Where All the Easter Eggs Are
Today a local holiday family gathering was completely upended when a film fanatic cousin couldn’t stop telling everyone where all the Easter eggs were.
“You know, I put a lot of hard work into hiding...
Baby Poked in Eye by Faulty Spoon Airplane Manufactured by Boeing
Boeing came under fire once again today after it was revealed that a baby was poked in the eye by a faulty Boeing 737 Spoon Airplane that the company had manufactured.
“I was bringing the...
Uber Eats Adds ‘CEO Yacht Fee’
Uber customers experienced an unexpected sticker shock today after an additional “CEO Yacht Fee” began appearing on orders placed within Seattle.
“First was the ‘Service Fee’, then the ‘Local Operating Fee’, and I could even...
Starbucks CEO Working Publicity Shift at Café Fucks Up Every Single Order
Starbucks CEO Laxman Narasimhan took a break from extracting value for shareholders to extract some coffee during a publicity shift at a Capitol Hill Starbucks today, where he reportedly proceeded to fuck up every...
Couple’s Photos from Seattle Vacation Actually Taken in Vancouver, B.C.
Today friends and family of a couple who just came back from their Seattle vacation were treated to an Instagram carousel of the lovebirds posing in front of the city’s most iconic landmarks, including...
Fate of Entire Day Hinges On Barista Doing Cute Lil Latte Foam Art Thingie
Customers at a local cafe were on pins and needles this morning waiting for the entire fate of their day to be determined by whether their barista does the cute lil foam art thingie...
