Couple Discovers Completely New Way To Get Lost at Discovery Park

Achieving what was once thought impossible after years of countless walks there together, today one local pioneering couple discovered yet another way to get lost at Discovery Park. “Up until today, experts were absolutely sure...

Tourist Trying Not to Look Like Tourist on Tourist Trip

Sources report that after planning a weekend getaway to Seattle from Sunnyvale, California, tourist Jane Simmons’ main objective on her trip this weekend is to not to look like a tourist on her tourist...

SoDo Costco Adds Second Gas Station Across Parking Lot for Members Who Empty Tanks Circling for a Parking Spot

Today the SoDo Costco officially opened a second gas station on the other end of its parking lot to help out customers who keep emptying their tanks while looking for a parking spot. “The days...

City Planner Regrets Layout of New Ridgefield Strip Mall

Excitement for Washington state’s first In-N-Out location near Vancouver was deflated today after the Ridgefield City Planner realized the unfortunately suggestive layout of the new strip mall it would be going into. “The nearby homeowners’...

Orcas Launch Human Watching Tours

After scoping out several hot spots to take orca pods near Seattle shores recently, today marine biologists and several Seattle residents confirmed orcas have indeed launched their own human-watching tours to learn more about...

Uber Eats Opts to Pay Drivers with Half Your Meal

After a month of charging customers an extra $5 per order to cover the cost of Seattle’s new mandatory minimum wage for delivery drivers, today Uber Eats said it’s doing away with the unpopular...

Baby Poked in Eye by Faulty Spoon Airplane Manufactured by Boeing 

Boeing came under fire once again today after it was revealed that a baby was poked in the eye by a faulty Boeing 737 Spoon Airplane that the company had manufactured. “I was bringing the...

Uber Eats Adds ‘CEO Yacht Fee’

Uber customers experienced an unexpected sticker shock today after an additional “CEO Yacht Fee” began appearing on orders placed within Seattle. “First was the ‘Service Fee’, then the ‘Local Operating Fee’, and I could even...

Starbucks CEO Working Publicity Shift at Café Fucks Up Every Single Order

Starbucks CEO Laxman Narasimhan took a break from extracting value for shareholders to extract some coffee during a publicity shift at a Capitol Hill Starbucks today, where he reportedly proceeded to fuck up every...

Couple’s Photos from Seattle Vacation Actually Taken in Vancouver, B.C.

Today friends and family of a couple who just came back from their Seattle vacation were treated to an Instagram carousel of the lovebirds posing in front of the city’s most iconic landmarks, including...