Best Local Church Can Offer Man Seeking Super Bowl-Advertised Foot Wash Is Ash Rubbed In Face
One local man seeking the free Christian foot wash advertised during the Super Bowl this last weekend walked away from Seattle’s St. James Cathedral absolutely confused tonight after they said the best they could...
Local Shelters Running Dangerously Low on Cats for Women Who Have Recently Deleted Dating Apps
A recent surge in women deleting all of their dating apps to instead spend time cuddling in bed with a different kind of furry pal has local pet shelters running dangerously low on cats...
Landlord Wouldn’t Have Rented You This Apartment If They Knew You Were Gonna Be All Uptight About Needing a Front Door
A local landlord was left in disbelief today after one of the tenants had the nerve to complain about their missing front door.
“After all the windows I painted over for you, this is how...
Seattle Boat Show All Just Hot Tub Boats
Thousands of annual Seattle Boat Show attendees were surprised this weekend to find that instead of yachts and sailboats, everything at the Lumen Field Event Center was just hot-tub boats now.
“What happened to this...
Scientists Discover Aging Reversible After Local 38-Year-Old Recognizes More Than 3 Names on CHBP Lineup
Scientists made the groundbreaking discovery today that a person’s age can be reversed by as much as 20 years after local 38-year-old, Sarah Hawkins, recognized five entire names on this year’s Capitol Hill Block...
Kinky! This Winter Rain Prefers Edging Just Above the Freezing Point to Blowing a Load of Snow
No one has made more of a splash in the Seattle kink scene this season than local BDSM queen Winter Rain, who has spent the entire season edging just above the freezing point to...
Study Confirms Seattleites Pretend to Read More Books Than Any Other City
A study released today solidified Seattle’s reputation as an intellectual capital of the world after it confirmed that more Seattleites pretend to read more books per capita than any other city on Earth.
“It’s undeniable...
Repeated Calls for ‘Backdoor’ Going Unanswered, Reports Metro Bus Driver’s Wife
The decades-long struggle for people’s desperate "backdoor" cries to be heard is reportedly worse than most already thought after it was discovered that even the repeated backdoor calls of one King County Metro bus...
#RelationshipGoals! These Two Just Set Up a Tent Without Killing Each Other
Social media is abuzz today with news that local couple Rachel and Thomas Yardsworth have officially set up an entire tent together without even killing each other.
“To be safe, we first practiced putting it...
Seattle Lesbian Bar Wildrose Shuttered Over Lewd Exposed Ankle Violations
Citing for the second weekend in a row some of its most arcane and outdated laws at Seattle gay bars, this weekend Washington state’s Liquor Control Board shut down historic lesbian bar Wildrose over...
