God Celebrates Joint Earth Day and Passover by Sending New Plague to Save the Planet
To celebrate the rare combination of Earth Day and the first night of Passover happening on the same day, today God announced he’d be celebrating the special occasion with a new plague to save...
Scientists Discover Aging Reversible After Local 38-Year-Old Recognizes More Than 3 Names on CHBP Lineup
Scientists made the groundbreaking discovery today that a person’s age can be reversed by as much as 20 years after local 38-year-old, Sarah Hawkins, recognized five entire names on this year’s Capitol Hill Block...
Kinky! This Winter Rain Prefers Edging Just Above the Freezing Point to Blowing a Load of Snow
No one has made more of a splash in the Seattle kink scene this season than local BDSM queen Winter Rain, who has spent the entire season edging just above the freezing point to...
Study Confirms Seattleites Pretend to Read More Books Than Any Other City
A study released today solidified Seattle’s reputation as an intellectual capital of the world after it confirmed that more Seattleites pretend to read more books per capita than any other city on Earth.
“It’s undeniable...
Repeated Calls for ‘Backdoor’ Going Unanswered, Reports Metro Bus Driver’s Wife
The decades-long struggle for people’s desperate "backdoor" cries to be heard is reportedly worse than most already thought after it was discovered that even the repeated backdoor calls of one King County Metro bus...
#RelationshipGoals! These Two Just Set Up a Tent Without Killing Each Other
Social media is abuzz today with news that local couple Rachel and Thomas Yardsworth have officially set up an entire tent together without even killing each other.
“To be safe, we first practiced putting it...
Seattle Lesbian Bar Wildrose Shuttered Over Lewd Exposed Ankle Violations
Citing for the second weekend in a row some of its most arcane and outdated laws at Seattle gay bars, this weekend Washington state’s Liquor Control Board shut down historic lesbian bar Wildrose over...
Seattle Police Department Forms ‘Male Nipple Exposure Prevention Task Force’
Following a weekend raid on Seattle gay bars that resulted in several citation threats for the “exposure of a male nipple,” today the Seattle Police Department formally announced the creation of their new “Male...
‘The Weather Isn’t That Bad,’ Says Woman Using 6 Forms of Artificial Sunlight
According to one local woman who cocoons in at least six artificial forms of sunlight a day, Seattle weather reportedly “really isn’t that bad.”
“The whole lack of sun thing is sort of an urban...
Dry January Fully Supported by Boyfriend Who Won’t Go Down On You
One local woman says she’s less than a week away from finishing a successful Dry January, and it’s all thanks to being supported all the way through by her boyfriend, Henry, who doesn’t ever...
