Facing public outcry over fatal shootings and a general malaise amongst its ranks, the Seattle Police Department is looking to put the “happy” back in trigger-happy cops, equipping over 500 officers with Nerf guns, bows and bazookas.
SPD’s top brass say the move is aimed at reducing fatal shootings and upping on-the-job fun.
“Most of our guys roll around all day trying not to shoot anybody, and they’re all miserable,” said SPD Assistant Chief of Patrol Daryl Kilweather. “You ever wanted to jerk off real bad, but you were at the library or a Claim Jumper and you couldn’t? That’s what it’s like being a cop. We figured it might be nice to give our patrol units the opportunity to blow off some steam without killing anyone.”
Per SPD’s newly unveiled policy, officers will be able to engage anyone on the street in a Nerf battle, but they must immediately holster their weapon upon hearing the words “Ow! What the fuck?!?”
Police watchdogs appear supportive of SPD’s new efforts.
“We’re glad to see the department is doing literally anything to reconsider its approach to deadly force,” says Community Police Commission Vice-Chair Radford Stenkey. “We have, however, asked the department to limit officers from carrying Nerf N-Strikes or any other foam weapons capable of carrying more than 12 darts at a time.”
Stenkey said he expects negotiations with the department to intensify as summer, and Super Soaker season, approaches.
