Despite pleadings from a son who has lived in Seattle for more than a decade, Minnesota father of five Tim Edwards remains resolute in his findings that the city of Seattle lies on the coast.
“It’s right next to all of that blue stuff on the map,” said Edwards, who has never made it further west than Nebraska. “Now maybe if you crazy millennials took the time to look at the ground in front of you instead of pushing Applebee’s closer towards the brink of extinction, you’d learn something.”
His son, Pete Edwards, reports that he’s invited his father several times to visit Seattle and the Puget Sound region, then take a five-hour road-trip to Washington’s coast to see the Pacific Ocean.
But Pete’s father maintains that kind of visit will be completely unnecessary.
“Puget what? Now you’re just making words up, son. If you’ll excuse me, there’s some Fran Tarkenton highlights that won’t be playing on the TV forever.”
At press time, he could be heard muttering under breath about how son hasn’t even bothered to go to Alaska, with how close it is.
